Trying to save someones life, need help.

Motorhead350

Motorhead350

New member
First off, this is not about me, I am actually trying to help someone, but am stumped. Here we go...

Earlier this year I drove the Marauder down to Austin, Tx for South By South West musicfest. I met someone who was playing in the street. I liked his guitar, he liked my Two Lane Black Top shirt, we started talking. Before the night was over we exchanged info over our common interest in music and cars... which never really happens.

A few months goes by and his finance dies. He is devastated. I told him if there is anything I could do, to call me. He lives near Seattle and I am in Chicago... a good distance.

A month goes by and I noticed on his facebook he has decided to quit music and give away his cars. One was a good condition 69 Charger. "Whoever can tell me why they deserve this car the best, will get it for free." I am thinking **t, this guy is going to kill himself otherwise he would want money for the car.

I call him up and ask if I need to come out there to cheer him up. He says I am pretty much a stranger, but has never met anyone quite like me with a common interest in car movies and three chord songs that is NOT 50+ years old. He also told me his lady committed suicide right in front of him and has not been the same after that. I thought I calmed him down the best I could.

Later, he says "Thanks for the fish, it's been great." as a status. I called instantly, no answer. I call the local police and tell them what's happening. I give them his number and cell phone provider. He also texted me to leave him alone while he swallows a jar of pills. About 3 hours later he calls and and thanks me for what I did.

Here is the killer, he mentioned a date he was going to end it all and it's three weeks away. The day he was supposed to be married. When he said he was over with music, he set his guitar on fire on his final show. I am certain the guy is serious because he has been for everything else and sees a need to post about it.

I contacted his other FB friends and told them to head over. I can push the panic button and be there, but there is one problem. The guy has guns. I am afraid if I try to stop him on the date he mentioned, he might hurt me or worse.

I do not know what I can do. I feel like I am doing everything I can.

The post here is because I know there are LEOs and other people that would have a better opinion as to what to do, than most everyone I speak to.

I will probably bump this tomorrow. It had to be typed while fresh in my mind.

Please no B.S., I am really trying to save this guys life before he ends it.
 
I agree that he is at risk.
1. Despondent over deep personal loss.
2. Given away valuable personal property.
3. Vocalized suicide, several times.
4. Discussed specific suicide plans.

In PA, a person can be committed for involuntary emergency evaluation and treatment if a family member, doctor or law enforcement personnel can articulate that they have witnessed behavior indicating that he is a danger to himself or others. There are Dept. of Behavioral Health (County Dept. of Health) Assessment Teams on call 24 hrs to facilitate this process here. I don't know how this goes in Seattle, but it is probably something similar.

This is a routine procedure for threatened or attempted suicides. It is impossible to evaluate all this from thousands of miles away - someone in his area needs to tell all this to the local Police and / or the Dept. of Behavioral Health and get them out to him.
 
Last edited:
You have already done a ton, more than most folks would. I'm in no position to tell you what to do expect to say you have already intervened valiantly, keep yourself save as well.
 
You or anyone else CANNOT stop someone from killing themselves.
You can take actions to help them delay it, which will give them the opportunity to "change their mind".

We are all the keeper of our own soul.
 
Last edited:
I agree that you can't stop someone from killing themselves, any more than you can "make" someone stop drinking. It has to come from within. All you can do is be their friend and offer support.
 
Yeah sounds like a lost cause. If you can't get a hold of his family, there isn't much you can do, especially if he has guns at his disposal. Let's just hope he doesn't go ape **** on some innocent folks out there.
 
Dom,

Overlord and Sailsman are correct, if this guy is hell bent on doing it, he will at some point succeed. Keep doing what you are doing, it may help it may not, so be prepared.
After 20 years being an LEO, they find ways, the worst for us LEO's is coming upon a subject with those intentions, but doesn't have the courage to it themselves which may at some point force us to shoot them to save ourselves or others around us.(Known as Suicide by Cop). Now the Officer has to live with that, so while that individual achieved their goal of dying, they then have placed someone else into a possible serious mental condition.

But with that said and what you have posted, I think he wants help. He has tried with other methods but has been stopped and is planning on trying again. If he really wanted to kill himself, he would have already especially with him having access to firearms. Most suicidal people shutdown giving no one an obvious hint as to what they are going to do.(Like posting on FB)So if you can keep family and friends informed, maybe, just maybe they can get him admitted for the help he needs.

You can try this, call or look up on the internet for the area he lives in, to see if they have any services that would be able to help, such as the local social/health service. If the can't help they might be able to direct you to some service that can.
 
Have you told anyone there he has guns? I would think law enforcement would be interested in that.
 
Wow that has gotta be tough, fiancée commits suicide right in front of you?
Honestly I don't blame the guy, that would mess up anybody's head real bad.

Good luck with this Dom, very nice of you to try and help the guy.
 
Dom:

As mentioned above, it appears this individual deep down wants help, otherwise he would have gone through with it by now....this is a good thing, for the moment. His family and/or friends really need to step in and get him the help he needs as soon as possible....idle/alone time is a very dangerous element at this point. The purpose of seeking help is not to find a way to forget/erase what happened, but how to live/cope with it.

I speak from personal experience that getting help to overcome a catastrophic life-changing event is absolutely necessary and IT DOES WORK....after all, I'm still here....
 
Dom

Introduce him to God.

Please contact a local Pastor or preacher to visit him. Give him as much information as possible on your friend. They can help them or guide them to the right source.

I'm ashamed to say it but, it happens a lot with folks that are in the Military with me. There are various reasons why Soldiers commit suicide. Obviously the effects of war and family problems that occur with their loved ones while deployed.

The main thing that we learn from countless training sessions is; have or get them to someone that is experienced in dealing with it. Do not try to do it yourself.

The key is, you can't just tell them to get help, you have to escort them. This ensures that they will get to the right persons to deal with it. Tell them you love them and that they have worth. By you or someone escorting them to help shows worth of their life.
 
MMBLUE said:
Dom


The key is, you can't just tell them to get help, you have to escort them. This ensures that they will get to the right persons to deal with it.
Click to expand...

I am living proof of this. If the one guy I asked to accompany me to get help had not agreed to it....
 
MMBLUE said:
Dom

Introduce him to God.

Please contact a local Pastor or preacher to visit him. Give him as much information as possible on your friend. They can help them or guide them to the right source.

I'm ashamed to say it but, it happens a lot with folks that are in the Military with me. There are various reasons why Soldiers commit suicide. Obviously the effects of war and family problems that occur with their loved ones while deployed.

The main thing that we learn from countless training sessions is; have or get them to someone that is experienced in dealing with it. Do not try to do it yourself.

The key is, you can't just tell them to get help, you have to escort them. This ensures that they will get to the right persons to deal with it. Tell them you love them and that they have worth. By you or someone escorting them to help shows worth of their life.
Click to expand...

Excellent advice.....
 
Yeah man kudos for trying to help the guy out. You did your best bro, but as other people have said.. Once a person has it in their mind that they are going to kill themsleves there is really nothing that can change their mind. I have been in Law Enforcement for almost 10 years and know from experience that you can try to prevent someone from commiting suicide all you want, but when the opportunity is found (and they will find the opportunity) they will take it. The best you can do is try to locate the local authorities again out there and have them try to locate his family to attempt to order a mental evaluation for him and hope the best for him. Once again man... Good job trying to help the guy out.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top