Joke of the day
- Thread starter SergntMac
- Start date
duhtroll
If it weren't for my horse...
I don't know why I found this so funny - but I did.
Clown joke: read at own risk
There once was a little kid named Billy who loved clowns. I mean LOVED them. He had posters of them all over his wall and pictures of them everywhere.
One day his parents took him to the Circus to see all of the clowns. He was so excited! He never saw one up close before! In the middle of the show, a tiny little car came out and out came 20 clowns! He was cheering so loud he couldn't speak for a couple minutes. Just then, the Leader of the Clowns took a microphone and asked for a volunteer. Billy raised his hand and shouted ''Me! Me!'' The clown looked around and said ''You!'' as he pointed at Billy. He was so happy!
Billy joined the clown on the floor. The clown looked down at him and asked, ''Are you the horse's nose?'' Billy said ''No...'' ''Are you the horse's ears?'' ''No...'' Then the clown got an evil look in his eye as he said ''Then you must be the horse's a$$!'' The whole tent shook with laughter, and Billy cried his eyes out. He couldn't believe a clown made fun of him like that! He swore revenge!
Billy grew up, he went to college, got a job, got married, and had a few kids, but still never forgot what that clown did to him. One morning he saw an ad in the paper for the same circus, and decided to go. He knew the PERFECT insult to get him back! When he told his wife and kids he was going his kids asked if they could goto the circus with him. He calmly said ''No. Daddy has something he needs to do there.'' In the middle of the show, a little car came out and out came about 20 clowns. The crowd cheered, except for Billy. The Leader of the Clowns took a microphone. It was the same Clown! Billy was so excited that he could now get revenge!
The clown asked for a volunteer. Billy calmly raised his hand. The clown picked him! Billy joined the clown on the floor. The clown said ''Are you the horse's nose?'' Billy stayed calm and said ''No.'' The clown asked ''Are you the horse's ears?'' Billy replied ''No.'' Then the clown said ''Then you must be the horse's a$$!''
Billy knew his time had come. As the crowd laughed and everyone cheered, his anger grew. Now was the time for revenge. He looked deep into the clown's eyes and said...
''F*** you, Clown.''
Clown joke: read at own risk
There once was a little kid named Billy who loved clowns. I mean LOVED them. He had posters of them all over his wall and pictures of them everywhere.
One day his parents took him to the Circus to see all of the clowns. He was so excited! He never saw one up close before! In the middle of the show, a tiny little car came out and out came 20 clowns! He was cheering so loud he couldn't speak for a couple minutes. Just then, the Leader of the Clowns took a microphone and asked for a volunteer. Billy raised his hand and shouted ''Me! Me!'' The clown looked around and said ''You!'' as he pointed at Billy. He was so happy!
Billy joined the clown on the floor. The clown looked down at him and asked, ''Are you the horse's nose?'' Billy said ''No...'' ''Are you the horse's ears?'' ''No...'' Then the clown got an evil look in his eye as he said ''Then you must be the horse's a$$!'' The whole tent shook with laughter, and Billy cried his eyes out. He couldn't believe a clown made fun of him like that! He swore revenge!
Billy grew up, he went to college, got a job, got married, and had a few kids, but still never forgot what that clown did to him. One morning he saw an ad in the paper for the same circus, and decided to go. He knew the PERFECT insult to get him back! When he told his wife and kids he was going his kids asked if they could goto the circus with him. He calmly said ''No. Daddy has something he needs to do there.'' In the middle of the show, a little car came out and out came about 20 clowns. The crowd cheered, except for Billy. The Leader of the Clowns took a microphone. It was the same Clown! Billy was so excited that he could now get revenge!
The clown asked for a volunteer. Billy calmly raised his hand. The clown picked him! Billy joined the clown on the floor. The clown said ''Are you the horse's nose?'' Billy stayed calm and said ''No.'' The clown asked ''Are you the horse's ears?'' Billy replied ''No.'' Then the clown said ''Then you must be the horse's a$$!''
Billy knew his time had come. As the crowd laughed and everyone cheered, his anger grew. Now was the time for revenge. He looked deep into the clown's eyes and said...
''F*** you, Clown.''
MapleLeafMerc
Senior Member
A baby seal walks into a club...
David Morton
Closed
Base varlot! Thee hast obviously doctored thine graven image disguising the truth. Thine attempt to hide truth hath called upon me to call thee upon the field of honor to do righteous combat for honors sake.KSMM03 said:
Wait! I think I have an original of that photo.
David Morton
Closed
A foxy blonde cop pulled over another foxy blonde and aske for her licence.
"Licence?" she said, "Yeah, you know that thing in your purse that has your name on it and a picture of you." said the cop. "Oh, that silly old thing." said the ditz and she reached inside her purse and handed the cop her personalized make-up compact. The cop opened it, looked in the mirror and handed it back to the girl and said, "Oh, I'm sorry honey. I didn't know you were a police officer, too. You can go. Professional couretesy."
"Licence?" she said, "Yeah, you know that thing in your purse that has your name on it and a picture of you." said the cop. "Oh, that silly old thing." said the ditz and she reached inside her purse and handed the cop her personalized make-up compact. The cop opened it, looked in the mirror and handed it back to the girl and said, "Oh, I'm sorry honey. I didn't know you were a police officer, too. You can go. Professional couretesy."
2
2005Marauder
Guest
He's so old all his friends in Heaven think that he didn't make it.
David Morton
Closed
The difference between women and men is; a woman is going for the one man that will supply her every need and a man is going for every woman that will supply his one need. :rock:
David Morton
Closed
Brother Bob got the spirit one day and picked up a drunk he saw laying in a gutter. He gave him a little room in the rectory, made him the janitors assistant and admonished him to seek God and turn from his evil ways. Well something happened and the old drunk turned his life around, stopped drinking, cleaned himself up and started going to services and was saved! He got a job in his old profession and was quickly promoted. Before you knew it, he was the talk of the local community and time was set aside for him to share his story of salvation from oblivion before the sermon next Sunday. Leaflets were passed out and a revival was declared! The cathedral was filled to capacity when the former dipsomaniac got up and delivered the most awe inspiring tale of God's power to change the life of the repentant sinner. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. After he finished his witness he humbly bowed to the altar as the audience burst out in a deafening applause. Brother Bob came over and took the microphone and said, "How joyous for us to hear what God has done for you. Tell us now, what did the Devil ever do for you?" And the old man angrily snatched the microphone and said, "Sh*t on him! That g*dd*mn, m*th*rf*ck*ng, s*n-of-a-b*tch has done nothing but f*ck me in the a$$ since the day I was born!"
David Morton
Closed
A man walks into his local drug store and said, "Where's Fred?" to the middle aged woman behind the counter. "Oh, he's gone. Me and my sister bought the store from him last week. Can I help you?" The man said he was kind of embarrased and hoped to talk with his friend but she assured him that she and her sister had been in the pharmacy business for thirty years and were certified and had heard just about everything. So he said, "Well, I woke up with an erection three weeks ago and it won't go away. One guy said he'd heard about a disorder called "priapism" and said it's permanent and I don't know what to do about it." She said, "Hang on, I think I know what to do. Just let me check with my sister to be sure." And she went into the back and came out in less than a minute and said, "I just talked to my sister, we'll give you $5,000 now and half interest in the business."
Donny Carlson
New member
KSSM03 likely did not fake the photo himself, but merely passed on the fake from someplace else. You gotta be careful with found images, otherwise you can get sucked in by a good fake.David Morton said:
http://www.snopes.com/photos/daschle.asp
David Morton
Closed
Yeah, but it isn't even a good fake! Thanks for the link that proves it. I had no hard feelings, so I did a little of my own playing around to try and bring a little levity to some meanness I think can screw us up.Donny Carlson said:
Partisan politics is a good way to bust up and screw up a good fellowship and I hate to see too many guys on this site campaigning for their guy when we're supposed to be about the greatest car for the dollar since the 64&1/2 Mustang, the 2002-04 Marauder!
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Krytin
I am not a #, I am a free man!
The difference between Democrats, Republicans and Southerners!
How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans and Southerners?
Answer: Pose the following question
You are walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and charges. You are carrying a Glock 23, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Democrat answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question. Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have the appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definately want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 911?Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behaviour. This is all so confusing! I need to confer with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
Republican answer:
BANG!
Southerner's answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click... (sounds of reloading a fresh magazine)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click
Daughter: "Nice grouping daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"
So this dosen't work since Im not from the south?
My own daughter knows I don't use Silver Tips - I hand load Speer 200 gr. JHPs to 1200 fps for my .45 ACP!
How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans and Southerners?
Answer: Pose the following question
You are walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and charges. You are carrying a Glock 23, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Democrat answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question. Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have the appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definately want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 911?Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behaviour. This is all so confusing! I need to confer with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
Republican answer:
BANG!
Southerner's answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click... (sounds of reloading a fresh magazine)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click
Daughter: "Nice grouping daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"
So this dosen't work since Im not from the south?
My own daughter knows I don't use Silver Tips - I hand load Speer 200 gr. JHPs to 1200 fps for my .45 ACP!
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MapleLeafMerc
Senior Member
Dem vs Rep vs Southerners
LMAO!!! :lol:
LMAO!!! :lol:
David Morton
Closed
What horsesh*t. I'm a southern democrat and my answer is shoot to kill. Then I might ask myself a few of those questions. All I know is that people that hate human beings will hate any human being given enough reason. I've had enough of hate. It's corrosive to it's container.Krytin said:
Back to the topic...
When Bill Clinton and Dubya were riding in the Limo to the inauguration ceremony George asked Bill how he was so lucky at scoring with the babes. Bill told him having a "Biggun" might have something to do with it. When dubya asked how come his tool was so big, Bill told him he always whacked it on the bedpost three times before sex. Anxious all day to try it out on Laura, George was hard as a rock when the day finally came to an end and it was time for bed. Walking into the dark room where Laura had already gone to bed 15 minutes before he wacked it on the bedpost just like Bill had said.
"Whack. Whack. Whack."
(Laura) "Oh, Bill. So that rumor about the secret passage is really true!"
A couple had two little boys who were always getting into trouble. Their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their village, their sons were probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that an elder in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her sons. The elder agreed, but asked to see them separately.
So, the mother sent her youngest son first, in the morning. The elder, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response.
So the elder repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the wide-eyed boy made no attempt to answer.
The elder raised his voice and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into a closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him hiding, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing, and they think WE did it!"
The boys' mother heard that an elder in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her sons. The elder agreed, but asked to see them separately.
So, the mother sent her youngest son first, in the morning. The elder, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response.
So the elder repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the wide-eyed boy made no attempt to answer.
The elder raised his voice and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into a closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him hiding, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing, and they think WE did it!"
David Morton
Closed
Boy, can I ever relate to that kid. 